Human desire, at its core, falls into two categories: those that can be fulfilled through effort, and those that, due to their transcendence of reality or constraints of circumstance, are much harder to attain. The former drive us forward—learning a new skill, pursuing someone we love, accomplishing a goal. The latter are often beyond our control—regret over the past, fantasies of eternal love, or an obsession with the idea of a perfect life.
Unattainable desires are frequently tied to our yearning for perfection. They can be the source of deep pain, yet sometimes they also serve as a catalyst—pushing us to reflect on what truly matters. As Chinese writer Shi Tiesheng once wrote in I and the Temple of Earth, happiness is not a gift from the heavens, but something we find through navigating our own limitations.
For the desires we can achieve, what we need is action—but also the willingness to accept imperfection. Clear goals and dedicated effort matter, but even success comes with its flaws. Learning to find meaning in the process itself, rather than in the final outcome, is essential.
As for the desires we cannot fulfill, the key lies in transformation. Often, what appears to be a specific desire is actually a longing for something deeper—safety, significance, belonging. These needs don’t always require the exact goals we attach them to. By adjusting expectations, acknowledging our limitations, and accepting the imperfection of the world, we can begin to live more peacefully with our obsessions. The ultimate remedy is substitution and transformation: channeling those emotions into writing, art, or acts of kindness. Turning fixation into creative force.
In the end, happiness isn’t about fulfilling every desire—it’s about making peace with ourselves. The joy of attainable desires comes from the effort itself; the joy of unattainable ones often emerges only when we transcend them and uncover deeper meaning. Between pursuit and release lies the most profound lesson of life.
人的欲望本质上分为两种：一种通过努力可以实现，另一种则因其超越现实的性质或受限于客观条件，很难达成。前者推动我们成长，比如学会一项新技能、追求喜欢的人或者完成一个目标；而后者，往往是一些我们无法控制的东西，比如对过去的悔恨、对永恒爱情的幻想，或者对完美人生的执念。
那些难以达成的欲望常常和我们对完美的向往绑在一起。它们是痛苦的根源，但有时候也能成为一种契机，促使我们去思考什么才是更重要的东西。正如《我与地坛》中史铁生所写的，幸福不是某种天赐的礼物，而是我们在自身局限里找到的方向和意义。
对于那些可以实现的欲望，我们需要的是行动，同时也要接受不完美。目标明确、努力进步固然重要，但就算最终达成了，也需要接受结果的不尽如人意。学会从行动的过程中寻找意义，而不是单纯地追逐结果。
至于那些无法实现的欲望，最重要的是学会转化。先弄清楚，欲望背后或许只是对某种安全感、意义感的追求，而这些东西不一定要靠某个具体目标去实现。调整期待，承认自己的局限，也接受这个世界的不完美，或许才能真正与这些执念和平共处。最终的办法是替代与转化——比如把情感投放到写作、艺术、甚至帮助别人中去，把对执念的困囿化为创造的动力。
说到底，幸福的关键不在于满足所有的欲望，而是如何和自己和解。可以实现的欲望带来的幸福，更多是来自努力的过程；而难以实现的欲望带来的幸福，往往藏在我们能超越执念、找到更深层意义的那一刻。追逐和放下之间的平衡，大概就是人生最深刻的一课吧。