Though I’ve always loved science fiction, what truly moved me—on a far deeper level—was Yi Yi. In fact, the coming-of-age episodic novel I’m currently working on draws much of its inspiration from that film.
I first watched it half a year ago at a film festival with friends. It ran for three hours. The plot was quiet, almost still. With no popcorn in hand to distract from the rhythm, there were stretches that felt drowsy. Many of the details have since faded from memory, but the emotional weight it left behind remains vivid. Characters of all ages grapple with their own doubts and confusions. When confronted with similar problems, each makes a different choice—shaped by their particular histories and circumstances. It reminded me that growing up is, in essence, the repeated breaking of thought patterns that once brought us pain, and learning to rebuild them in ways that allow us to accept who we are in the present.
To act in accordance with what we know is difficult. I often drift between being and nothingness. But every time I sit in the rattan chair at dusk, letting the wind brush gently against my face, I feel, in some undeniable way, that I exist.
Three years ago, I once told my uncertain self: “Distancing yourself is merely building a house called ‘freedom’ to avoid confronting the world’s truth. False freedom holds a more endless kind of suffering, because even the eternal feels fleeting. Understanding born through experience is an essential part of growth. But always stay neutral—otherwise, the devil will consume your original intent.” Three years later, I’ve learned to accept all that has passed, only to find that new worries have, as always, arrived on time.
Perhaps it is once again time to dismantle an old system of thought. Or perhaps, some unresolved questions of life have simply resurfaced, and now is the moment to cut through the fog and finally see the sky.
我虽然爱看科幻片，但真正触动我的，还要属《一一》。甚至我目前在写的成长型单元小说，很大程度上也是受它的启发。
这部片子是半年前和朋友们在电影节看的，三小时的片长，平淡的剧情，因着没有诸如爆米花类的东西咀嚼，偶尔也乏困了几段。许多情节已经不能再复述出来，但它带给我的后劲依然深刻。电影里不同年龄段的角色都有着各自的烦恼和困惑。而每个人在面对相似问题时，因为经历和背景的不同，所做出的选择也各异。这让我想到成长，就像是反复打破让自身痛苦的思维体系，然后重组成新去接纳当下的自己。
知行合一难，存在与虚无，我时常矛盾。可每每傍晚坐在藤椅上发呆，感受风拂过脸庞时，我又切身实地感知自己的存在。
三年前，我曾告诉迷茫的自己：“远离，只是不愿面对这世界真相的人给自己盖了座名为“自由”的房子罢了。虚假的自由包含着更无尽的痛苦，因为那永恒太短暂。在经历中得到感悟，这是成长路上不可或缺的一部分。但请切记时刻保持中立，不然魔鬼会吞噬你的初心。”三年后，我学会接纳过去的种种，新的烦恼却也如约而至。
这又是要打破体系的时刻，又或许有些潜在的人生课题始终未解，而如今正是要破开云雾见天明的契机。