If seeing a painting of Queen Elizabeth II at the National Gallery felt like a surreal collision between internet imagery and real life, then the “DEATH” section of the Lucian Freud exhibition brought something else entirely—a visceral sense of nothingness. A narrow space, black walls, a single spotlight cast onto a wooden floor. Standing there, I felt as if I were inside a film, inhabiting the solitary monologue of someone hovering at the edge of death.
Eventually, I drifted toward another room. I kept looking at the paintings, but not with the same attention as before. The museum was vast. I was tired. Closing time was near. I left in a hurry—after all, admission was free except for the special exhibitions, and there was still plenty of time.
Trafalgar Square lay open and unobstructed. Buildings were gilded in the golden hour light; seagulls wandered idly across the sky. Amid the traffic, the flash of red from a double-decker bus stood out, and following its height upward, I caught sight of Big Ben’s clock hands, clearly visible against the sky. I headed south to Westminster Bridge. Facing the tower up close, the girl who had once longed to see it in middle school had now become a university freshman, finally seeing the full facade that had been hidden by scaffolding years ago.
At night, I signed my name and the date on the back of a printed reproduction I bought at the National Gallery. But in truth, the impulse was no different from the one that made me scribble “I was here” on random pages of my schoolbooks six years ago. Life is a film, and these markings are the Easter eggs I leave for myself.
如果说亲眼在National Gallery里见到与伊丽莎白二世有关的画作产生的是一种网络新闻与现实生活交汇的碰撞感，那有关Lucian Freud展览“DEATH”部分带给我的就是一种身临其境的虚无——狭小的空间，漆黑的墙面，仅有一束中心顶光打在木质地板上，我置身于此，仿佛也在体验电影里那种濒临死亡时个体对自身的独白。
出口，漫无目的走向另一个房间，依然观赏着画作却不再如先前那般仔细看讲解。博物馆太大，太懒，快要闭馆。我于是匆匆走了，毕竟门票免费，只是特展要钱，还有大把时间。
特拉法加广场里视线一览无遗。建筑被落日镀上金身，海鸥在天空四处闲逛；车流中那一抹独属于双层巴士的红亮的惹眼，顺着车的高度向上眺望，大本钟的指针清晰可见。一路南行来到威斯敏斯特桥，近距离面向塔楼，当年看向它的初三生变成了如今的大一生，也终于一睹当年因修缮而未曾看过全貌的钟塔真容。
夜晚。在那张购于National Gallery里的喷绘印刷品背面签下姓名日期，但实际动机与六年前在课本不同页数里写下“到此一游”没有差异。人生是一部电影，记号是我送给自己的彩蛋。